FROM MIDDLE LIFE TO MEANING
The Call to Journey into a Soulful Existence
When the middle of life presents itself, it often hits hard, hence the term "midlife crisis". We spend the first part of our lives learning what our parents, teachers and community expect us to be, then in the second part, we try to act out those roles. Societal norms molded those of us who weren't so stubborn as to simply say "no thank you." We spend the next decade or more trying to be the adults our culture expects us to be, engaging in culturally accepted roles, we have been students, employees, partners, business owners, professionals, and parents. Each role requires us to maintain a certain persona, denying our own feelings and needs, thereby, our true nature or wild self.
By the middle of life, many of us have spent two or more decades being parents, nurturing our children, being ever conscious of their needs and the potential pitfalls ahead of them. We spend each moment finding and removing the rocks from their paths and picking them up when they fall while seeing to our responsibilities as providers for their material needs. It has been all-consuming and their growth has often eluded our consciousness, to the degree that we exclaim in surprise, "In the blink of an eye, they were all grown up!"
Now, as they stride out into the world, we are left holding our memories close, waving goodbye in the doorway forcing smiles against the pain.
Those of us who have remained childless have often had careers to which they have devoted their time, intellect, heart and effort for years. Whether it be our own business or that of an employers, we have formed a relationship with that vocation that has often grown stale. We’ve perhaps mastered the skills required to do our work and now it’s just going through the motions. We find ourselves daydreaming about another life that seems far away and unattainable, so we turn back to our work, still feeling like something important is missing.
Those who have been married throughout the years are likely to wonder if the spark has left from their relationships when the truth is that no one person can fill the void we may feel and it would be unfair to have that expectation of them. We may fear our marriage will fall apart or just descend into a quiet state of dissatisfaction.
“The invitation of the Middle Passage is to become conscious, accept responsibility for the rest fo the pages and risk the largeness of life to which we are summoned.”
- James Hollis
This is the time when we stand at a threshold, often having no idea what lies beyond this strange door through which we must pass. We have the choice between viewing this as the final scene of our lives, or a segue into a new life.
THE NEXT SCENE
Our lives are lived in segments like scenes in a play, each one a transition to the next. We are playwright, actor and audience, writing each new scene as the one prior begins its closing. But, even though we are integrally involved in creating this play, there is always an element of mystery that keeps us riveted with anticipation or dread. As the curtain rises on this next act, often we are either standing next to a long-term partner or alone, on an empty stage. Marriages can falter as the common purpose of raising children falls away. Careers lose their meaning of sustaining our dependents and now are simply the thing we do to fill up space or stave off loneliness.
While each preceding role gave us a sense of meaning and purpose, it is now, under this spotlight in this act, when our soul's deepest longings have the opportunity to reveal themselves. In the stillness left as the other players exit the stage, the script falls silent and if we pay attention, we may hear the faint voice of our wild selves. We may call upon our inner strength to venture outside of the familiar in search of the life that calls to us.
THE SOULFUL WILD SELF
Our wild self is sometimes referred to as soul, however, many equate that word with a spiritual or religious meaning. In this context, soul is, as the poet, David Whyte offers, in his poem “The Journey”,
“that small, bright and indescribably wedge of freedom in your own heart.”
Or, as Bill Plotkin describes in his book “Soulcraft, Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche,”
“the vital, mysterious and wild core of our individual selves, an essence unique to each person, qualities found in layers of the self, much deeper than our personalities.”
For most of us, this is the first opportunity we have had to contemplate the question "Who am I?" Some will go to great lengths to avoid even acknowledging that question, for fear the answers would lead to a shift akin to an earthquake in their lives. But, the other question to ask is, "What will it cost me not to find the answers to that question?"
As the cacophony of other voices falls away, it becomes more difficult to ignore the once faint call of the wild self. We can step over the threshold into a passage through middle life that will lead to discovery of all the wild self has to offer, or we can stand forever at the doorway, wondering how it might have been to stride out into the world without fear.
Middle life brings to us the realization of having more years behind us than ahead of us. Will we do as the words of Dawna Markova bid?
"I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit."
We, alone, can answer the call, or be stuck in a life unlived, a prison of our own making, yet to which, we have the key.
Your Wild Self Calls, What Will Be Your Answer?
Together, we embrace the mystery.
